Ask anyone who knows me. There are two things about me that are undeniably true… I’m not much of a risk-taker, and I’m not a big spender. Hmmm, well maybe those aren’t entirely true. I did have a stage in college when I was more than willing to spend hundreds of dollars on designer jeans and bags. I had more Seven and Citizens jeans than I could count. Actually, I still have two pairs. They’re great ‘ass-jeans.’ Those can be hard to find. Ha! But I racked up a massive amount of credit card debt, and realized the hard way that cool jeans don’t make you cool. Especially when they make you broke. These days I have a hard time convincing myself to spend $20 on a pair of yoga pants at Old Navy. I will however, drop $13 on a jar of cashew butter at Whole Foods without so much as batting an eye. But the risk-taking thing is definitely true.
Okay, it’s a half truth… There was that time I decided to cut off all my hair. Big mistake. HUGE. (In my head that sounded just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman… Just so you know.)
What the fuck was I thinking? Oh my God, I still remember that day. I immediately regretted it. As soon as I saw that first chunk of hair fall to the floor, I wanted to cry. After, I drove directly to CVS and bought an absurd amount of headbands, hair clips, and styling products. Do you have any idea how long it takes to grow out hair? It literally took years. Never again. Ever.
And then there was that girls trip to the Cape with my friends. Actually, there were a couple girls trips to the Cape… I’ll spare you the inappropriate details. Not because I’m not willing to share them, but more because I can’t fucking remember. They were those kinds of trips. Even so, I was on the more reserved side. I mean, I’d rip butts and drink beers, but never really went much further than that. There might have been a time or two that I smoked weed… And then licked Dorito crumbs off the kitchen table, but we don’t need to talk about that.
Good Lord! Baaaahahahaha! I’m literally dying laughing looking at this. Those were the fucking days. Okay, so let’s just say that generally speaking, I’m not much of a risk-taker, and I’m on the less frivolous side. Deal? Not today though. Today I was totally frivolous and would classify my actions as ‘edgy.’ Girls who are edgy are fucking cool. Today I feel like a total bad ass. But, you know who’s even more bad ass than me? Ceci.
For months now Cecilia has been asking to get her hair colored pink. I put it off for a really long time, but today we finally did our girl day at the spa. I told Ceci she couldn’t color all of her hair, but that she could get a ‘Balayage.’ That’s a word that just entered my vocabulary this week. Sounds fancy, eh? It is. So obviously I decided I needed a Balayage too. Duh. Ceci got pink. I decided on purple. When I called to make the appointment, I asked how much it was going to cost. When they told me, if I was an emoji, I’d be this one:
Say whaaaaat?! Question: How in the ever-living fuck do high maintenance women afford to keep up with this type of shit? For real. I threw in a haircut for Ceci and an eyebrow wax for me, just for good measure. Add in the tip and we’re looking at half my month’s salary. Not even exaggerating. Lucky for us, this spa is at my work so I get a discount. Annnd Mike wheels and deals, so he trades his Audio/Visual/DJ services for swag. I basically paid for today with Monopoly money… But I still had to throw in $130 of real, actual money. It felt… naughty. Haha. Whatever. Ceci and I had a fucking blast. And we look goooooood.
Ceci is so much cooler than me. Just look at the expression on her face. We’re so fucked when she starts dating. I don’t even want to think about it. But that’s neither here nor there. What I was going to say is, next time, I’m totally getting pink. I mean, I have purple hair. That makes me cool as ice… But with my dark brown hair it’s not really dramatic. Ceci went balls to the walls. And when we were finished, she couldn’t wait to show it off to anyone that was willing to look in her direction. She owns her beauty. Like a fucking boss.
It’s funny… Life is sort of like the swinging of a pendulum. In my early twenties I’d spend money I didn’t even have on things I didn’t need. And I’d take risks… On occasion, some that weren’t very smart. But by my early thirties the pendulum had swung in the opposite direction. I wouldn’t spend any money on me. No nice clothes or bags. No makeup. No haircuts or colors. No manis or pedis. Nothing. Literally nothing. Folks trying to be nice would say I was doing the whole ‘natural beauty’ thing. But really I was doing the ‘I don’t want to spend any money’ thing. I also wouldn’t ever leave home. I had Cecilia when I was 31, and sweatpants on the couch with puzzles or PBS kids became the definition of my life. But when you live life like that, and it doesn’t feel happy, it’s time for a change. I’m so over it.
So now the pendulum is finding itself somewhere in the middle. I’m a young, fun, beautiful, intelligent, strong-ass woman. I don’t need fancy clothes, hair or makeup to define me. I define me. But I am so worth it. You know? Getting my hair colored doesn’t actually make me bad ass. I am bad ass. The purple Balayage… Well, that was just fun. And I love the way it looks. So yeah… I’m fucking worth it. You are too.
Fifth Harmony~Worth It