Oh man! You guys ready? Because I’m ’bout to get weird on y’all. Like… freaky deaky. You ready? To give you an idea of where my head’s at, my goal for this post is to use the word ‘kinky’ at least five times. Youngins best cover your eyes or see yourselves out of here…
So tonight there’s a full moon in Scorpio. And do you know what that means?… Oh, you thought I might? Yeah, I actually have no clue. I’m not really into astrology. I do love reading energy forecasts though. Sometimes they’re so accurate they wig me the fuck out. Anyway, so the full moon in Scorpio means it’s time to bring your sexy back. Or at least that’s what she said. (Haha!) And I totally believe her. Can’t you just feel that pent up sexual energy? Ow ow! Well it’s time to let it out, and this Scorpio full moon will help you… You know, if you’re a little nervous about getting… kinky.
Really though, Scorpio’s energy is about intimacy, romance, and sex. And not even necessarily with another person. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin. Loving yourself just as you are. And when you really love yourself, you’re not afraid to explore uncharted territory… In bed.
Okay, so back in the day, when I used to hit the bars on the regular with friends, we would frequently go to one particular Chinese food restaurant after a long night of drinking. We all always ordered the same thing… One night I went up to the counter, drunk as fuck, and placed my order, “Hi. I’d like the 15B and coke.” The man behind the counter looked at me then responded, “I don’t think you have enough money for that.” Clearly confused, I assured him I had money and again said, “I want the 15B and coke.” He paused, then repeated that he didn’t think I could afford it. So now I’m drunk, hungry, and getting annoyed. For the last time I repeated myself slowly, so as not to confuse this motherfucker… “No. I have money. I would like to order the 15B and a Coca Cola.” And then it was though the lights came on. He looked at me and said, “Oooooh. Coca Cola. For that you have to use the vending machine.” What the fuck! Dude was definitely selling cocaine out of his restaurant. Shady. Lord knows what else was going on there. I don’t even want to know. And I definitely still ate the 15B. Gross.
Anyway, what the hell was my point? Oh, right… I said ‘in bed’ and it made me think of fortune cookies, which made me think of that story. Wow. My brain is all over the place. Okay, so anyway… Fortune cookies… They come with, well, fortunes. Duh. Remember when you were younger, you’d play that stupid game with your fortunes? Everyone would open their cookie and read it out loud to the group, and add ‘in bed’ to the end of the sentence. It was usually good for a chuckle. I promise you, I do have a point in all of this… It just may take me a bit to get to it. Bare with me…
So tonight I’ll be setting intentions with the full moon. Normally for full moons your intentions should be to release that which is no longer serving your highest good in life. During new moons you can set intentions for what it is that you’d like to manifest into your life. But apparently, because of the current energies in the Universe, with this full moon we can do either. Woohoo! Okay, okay… I know I’m getting all types of weird over here. So let me just show you.
I’ve decided for this full moon I’ll be focusing on sexuality, and these are the intentions I’ll be setting:
I had to throw in that last one just for good measure. I needed to make sure I was absolutely clear with the Universe what it is I’m talking about. And just for giggles, you can go ahead and throw in the phrase ‘in bed’ at the end of each of my sentences… Or wherever happens to be your favorite place to fuck. Kinky. See, I told you I had a point to all the fortune cookie nonsense. I mean, I suppose I could’ve just left it all out, but where’s the fun in that? Anyway, moving on. So tonight before bed, I’ll go outside, read my intentions, and then burn the paper. Sounds a little like voodoo, huh? I mean, I guess it kind of is. But honestly, it’s a nice way for me to remind myself what I’m working towards in my life. And apparently at the moment I’m working on bringing sexy back.
Ladies!!! Gentleman too, but LAAAAADIIIIIES!!!! The time has come. Let out the wild woman that’s hiding inside. That thing you think about but have never admitted out loud… Do that. Get kinky. You know you want to. And you and the lucky person you’re sleeping with can thank me later… Yowza! Now, go ‘head girl… Get your sexy on.
Namaste, you sexy bitches.